I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
