There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize