You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
