just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
