Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
