I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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