Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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