I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
