You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize