ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
