I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
