idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
