I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
