I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
