she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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