Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize