im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize