Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
