I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
