I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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