I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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