her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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