this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
