Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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