Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
