what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize