Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
