I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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