Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
