You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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