I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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