im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
