I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
