I murdered the dance floor call the cops
false alarm. still invincible.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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