How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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