The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
