it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
