it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it glows. i had to have it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
