1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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