I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
