Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
