All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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