I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
