But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's always time for handjobs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
