Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
