He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
