I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
