the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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