He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
