I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
