so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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