I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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