Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
