Duck Duck Cougar?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
