I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
