There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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