So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
