what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
