I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
