This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
