I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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