Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
