Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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