How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
