So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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