The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
