Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I faked an abortion last night.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
