I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
