We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
