i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
