Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have tasted many bathrooms
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
