I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
