I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
