WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
